- Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy: a review of the research
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Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy: a review of the research
Rose HickmanEmotionally-focused therapy (EFT) has emerged as one of the most evidence-backed forms of couples therapy (Byrne, Carr & Clark, 2004). It is founded on the concept that marital distress results primarily from "ongoing absorbing states of distressed affect and the constrained, destructive interactional patterns that arise from, reflect, and then in turn prime this affect" (Johnson, Hunsley, Greenberg & Shindler, 1999, p. 68). Expression of primary emotions, such as sad… Read More - Relationship Program in Los Angeles and Orange County: Save and Enhance Your Relationship
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Relationship Program in Los Angeles and Orange County: Save and Enhance Your Relationship
Rose HickmanYour relationship can be a source of strength and support throughout your lives, but it must be nurtured. Divorce rate in the US: 46% Divorce rate in California: 60% Divorce rate in Orange County: 75% Even marriages that stay together often become isolating and distressed Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy can strengthen your already strong bonds, help your marriage become more resilient, and help your relationship become a source of support and strength for yo… Read More - Top 3 Marriage Killers: are these threatening your relationship right now?
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Top 3 Marriage Killers: are these threatening your relationship right now?
Rose HickmanThey're vicious, persistent, and they might be lurking in your relationship right now, ready to threaten or even kill your most important possession - your marriage. These marriage killers start out innocently, but if the two of you don't recognize them and get rid of them together, they can use the force and intensity of your love against you, and then masquerade as your partner. Click one of the pictures below to find out more about these dangerous killers, how to spot… Read More - I Nag Because I Love You: silly things we do in relationships #1
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I Nag Because I Love You: silly things we do in relationships #1
Rose HickmanMany of us grew up with cartoons of Wilma nagging her husband, Mr. Flintstone, for any number of reasons - her frequent disapproval and Fred's childlike reactions to it. This wasn't the only model of a nagging wife I was treated to growing up. There were the Honeymooners, the Ropers, Home Improvement, King of Queens, the Jenners... Wait! Now, we're getting into "reality" stars. Could the nagging/stonewalling dynamic I saw in the Flintstones be something that occurs out… Read More - Why Can't My Partner Listen To Me?! How understanding your partner can be threatening - and what to do about it.
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Why Can’t My Partner Listen To Me?! How understanding your partner can be threatening – and wh…
Rose Hickman"I don't get it," says a 30-something woman in my office. "He doesn't seem to hear what I am saying. I can tell him over and over again how I am feeling, and he just sits there or disagrees. It's been like this for so long, I really don't think he'll ever understand me." "I do understand you," says her husband quietly. "I listen to you all of the time. It's you who doesn't understand me." How does this happen? How do you go from feeling like soul mates to feeling like a st… Read More - Stop Playing and Start Talking
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Stop Playing and Start Talking
Rose HickmanHave you ever noticed the Ouija board effect in the beginning stages of a relationship, where slight moves from either member of the couple can move the other member in that same direction (e.g., toward or away from the relationship), which then moves the first member even more in that direction, etc.? This is because there is so much at stake in those beginning stages - we are wanting that connection, but we also want to be safe. If the other person is going to leave, we wa… Read More - Mirror, Provocateur, Healer: how your partner can help you grow
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Mirror, Provocateur, Healer: how your partner can help you grow
Rose Hickman"A person hasn't any idea what their soul looks like until they gaze into the eyes of the person that they're married to. And then, if they're any kind of decent human being, they spend the next couple of days throwing up. Because no honest person can stand that image." -- Danny DeVito in The Big Kahuna* OK - Maybe it's a bit of an overstatement, but DeVito's character was on to something. Outside of a long-term, intimate relationship, we can describe ourselves to ourselve… Read More - 2 Simple Sentences to Express Your Feelings (and get results)
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2 Simple Sentences to Express Your Feelings (and get results)
Rose HickmanWhen our feelings flare up, we tend to express ourselves in the least effective way: we blame, criticize, manipulate, or demand. The problem feels like the OTHER person's actions, which "cause" our hurt or angry feelings. In that moment, it seems like the only solution to our pain is for the other person to immediately stop, apologize and try to make up for the pain they caused or be punished because of it. If we blame, criticize, manipulate or demand, though, the recipi… Read More - Igniting your Relationship through Couples Therapy
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Igniting your Relationship through Couples Therapy
Rose HickmanYou used to be amazing together. You were open, supportive, understanding... passionate. Somehow, it changed. Maybe you have been drifting away from each other. Maybe you fight too often, or struggle with betrayal. You want to recreate that secure, close, and passionate connection you used to have... but how? You're not alone if you are feeling this way, and your feelings do not mean that your relationship is doomed. In fact, many happy couples have gone through this same… Read More
You were amazing together.
You were supportive, understanding… passionate. Somehow, it changed. Now, too often your partner shuts you out or criticizes, leaving you feeling stuck and alone.
Even in this tremendous pain, it may be possible to not even save your relationship, but heal it. Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy has been shown to bring significant improvement for 90% of couples and 70-75% move from distress to recovery. These are some of the best results in couples therapy. If you’re ready, let’s get started.